Until You're Here With Me
by The Other Tara
Summary: The aftermath of Buffy's death
1. Prologue: The Long Road Home

Body _Note from The Other Tara: This is the intro to a story in progress. _

Until You're Here With Me, a Post-Slayer Story 

It was Willow who finally broke the vigil before the lifeless body of their friend--and not from lack of emotion. With the exception of Spike (who totally lost it and was shaking and weeping uncontrollably), Willow appeared the most visibly upset. Dawn, kneeling at her sister's side and clutching her quickly cooling hand, was crying too, but she was in such shock and fatigue from the whole ordeal that she could barely manage an audible whimper. Xander was devestated, his attention caught between his injured soon-to-be-wife lying in his arms and the death of one of his closest friends. Tara was similarly torn; as much as Buffy's passing hurt her, so did watching her beloved Willow suffer the loss. If anybody seemed to be in the position of keeping a clear head and being the rock which the whole Scooby gang might turn to to get through this crisis, it would have been Giles. Only the faintest glimmer of a tear shone in his eyes. He reamined very calm. But upon closer inspection it was not a good calm, the sort of calm whose shoulder one could cry on. It was a dead calm, almost completely lackiong in emotion. 

So it was up to Willow. She could hear Buffy's words to her before that horrible ritual shattered their lives forever: 

_You're the strongest of all of us, Willow, don't you see that? You're my big gun._

__

__"Okay. Anya and Dawn are hurt. We've got to go." 

She placed a reassuring hand on Spike's trembling shoulder, her psi powers gently calming him. 

"C'mon, pull yourself together, Spike. We need to get home. We need you to..." 

Someone would have to bring Buffy. Everyone looked from Spike to Buffy to Spike again. It seemed as if a silent decision had been made between the gang to let Spike do the honor of carrying the Slayer. But when the vampire gingerly began the approach Giles suddenly said sharply, 

"No. I'll do it. I am her Watcher, it's my responsibility." 

Spike's bloodshot eyes flared. Tara, the most empathic of the group, found the tension on top of the grieving unbearable, and quickly offered a solution. 

"S-Spike, why don't you carry Dawn? Se's too w-weak to get back on her own..." 

Dawn. In all the mourning for Buffy they had forgotten the girl; the girl who was wounded, almost killed, and now without sister or mother. There was still a child to take care of, a child who was, for all intents and purposes, made of the same blood as Buffy; who was almost more like Buffy's own daughter than sister. Willow's mind started to pack away the hurt over her best friend's death and started to plan for Dawn's future. And Spike tenderly scooped the girl up in his arms, beginning to brake down in tears again as she leaned against his torn black shirt and passed out. 

Seeing that everyone was accounted for, Willow nodded firmly and led the somber procession to Buffy's house. And whenever her thoughts would stray again to how much pain and emptiness she felt with the passing of the Slayer, she played back the voice: 

_You're the strongest of all of us, Willow, don't you see that? You're my big gun._


	2. Part 1: Xander

herewith2 Until You're Here With Me: A Post-Slayer Story 

Part One: Xander 

Anya's weary eyes fluttered open. Ow, even that hurt. I suppose that's what happens when a ton of cinderblocks and boards fall on your head--even if you've got the sturdy healing ability of a demon under your skin. 

Where was she? A big bed with floral sheets...in the distance she could see cheery landscape paintings, a huge mirror with an antique golden frame...and before her, on a table next to the bed, framed photos. She was still groggy, disoriented, her vision was unreliable at best, but she could make out the figures: a happy young woman in a gown and cap; a younger girl with darker, longer hair posing for her school photo; three teenagers horsing around, two girls and a guy, and the guy, he looked like... 

"Xander...Xander?" 

She felt a strong hand gently squeeze hers. 

"Right here, babe." 

"Where are we..." 

"Joyce's bedroom." 

Joyce...Buffy's mom. Then those pictures must have been... 

"Is Dawn..." 

Xander turned his big dark eyes away and shook his head. 

"No. She made it." 

"Then...the world didn't end, after all..." 

He rested his head in one of his hands and remained silent. He tried to contain himself, to look like the brave solidier in front of his girlfriend. To show he could handle it. But as he kept watch over Anya's unconscious body, he saw the photographs too. For hours. And they stabbed him right in the heart. 

"Xander...what..._who_...who didn't..." 

He could hardly speak the name, for fear it would make this horrible nightmare even more real. 

"Buffy." 

"Oh my God..." 

"She sacrificed herself for Dawn...for us. For this whole planet. I watched her fall..." 

His face turned beet red as he chewed on his lower lip to stop the inevitable. Anya was visibly shaken but managed to push herself into a sitting position and hold her arms out to him. 

"C'mon...come here. Let it out. I know you loved Buffy." 

He looked up at her, his eyes wet on the surface and about to let go. She continued. 

"You had a bond with her and Wil...that goes way back. That's strong in a way different than what we have. And its okay. And...I just want you to let it out." 

He sobbed in her arms, and as she caught another glimpse at the happy, confident Buffy in the graduation photo, now so very clear in her vision, tears started to make their slow descent down her cheeks. 

Suddenly someone knocked on the door. 

"X-Xander? I-it's Tara, I..." 

"Come in..." Anya said, still holding Xander beside her as he cried. 

"O-oh...I didn't realize..." 

Xander suddenly straightened up and wiped off the tears on his face with his hand. Always the solider, though he knew everybody knew him as Cuddles the Bear. 

"No, it's okay, Tara," he said, "what's up?" 

"I...I just wanted to tell you...I found this yesterday, during the fight..." 

She produced a small velvet box from her pocket. 

Xander and Anya were speechless. It was the ring. 

"I...I thought it might be one of y-yours, because the vibrations on it...it felt kind of like the both of you, s-so I figured I'd ask..." 

As if in a trance, Xander took the box from Tara, opened it, and offered it to Anya. Held it tight in her hands and nodded. 

"Yes...yes...yes..." 

"_Yes_?" he asked, his voice cracking in the mix between laughter and a sob. 

"Yes!" 

As they embraced, Tara quietly snuck out the room and closed the door. 

She smiled as she remembered an old Wiccan saying...something about the "Circle Of Life"...or was that the Lion King? 

*** *** *** 

Willow was spent. In the last 24 hours she helped defeat a goddess, watched her best friend die, became an instant surrogate mom, dealt with the coroner's office and police, and began funeral arrangements. There was just one more thing left to do. And it would be hard. How thankful she was to see Tara walk into the kitchen and sit across from her, a momentary distraction from the inevitable. 

"H-how are you holding up?" 

"Well...my hair still red? Maybe some has fallen out? Some white streaks?" 

Tara placed her hand upon hers. 

"N-nope." 

"God, I still miss her, Tara. It's like I can't even start or I'll just lose it..." 

The women remained silent. The sound of Spike talking to Dawn could be heard from upstairs. He was falling apart at the seams, but still managed to be there for the girl. Willow only hoped he would manage to hold on and not become another parental figure Dawn would end up grieving for. It was clear to the Wiccan that suicide was on his mind, and she prayed to the goddess that it wouldn't happen. 

Next Chapter: Spike   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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